I always said I would never become one of those wives.
You know the ones: After a few years of marriage (and a few babies), they seem to forget how to be a Bride and start looking like some kind of Bag Lady. What’s worse, they don’t seem to care.
Unkept hair, frumpy clothes, baggy bellies, milk stains on their shirts… As a spiffy new bride, I couldn’t imagine how any woman could “just let herself go” like that.
Well, guess what? My husband and I are coming up on our twelfth anniversary. Add five babies, seven moves, and six years of homeschooling (so far) into that mix and, yes, I can be a Bag Lady. Or at least, some days I feel like one.
There are definitely days when, somewhere amid the clutter, dirty diapers, breastfeeding woes, fevers, bad attitudes, and sleepless nights, I forget that I’m still a wife. That I have a husband who needs me. Desires me, and longs to be desired.
So how does a tired mama keep intimacy (emotionally, physically, and spiritually) alive in her marriage? How can she possibly muster the time and energy to focus on her man when she’s too tired to even take a bath at the end of the day?
Well, I certainly don’t have all the answers to those questions. (For crying out loud, I spend most of my days scraping pasta and dried bananas off the kitchen floor!) 🙂
Beneath all the rubble and chaos of life as a young mom, I long to be cherished by my man. To know that he knows I love him like crazy and can’t live without him.
From one insanely tired mom to another: Here are a few practical ways to stay connected to your man-
Know His Love Language (and Speak it!)
It’s true: our time and emotional energy is taxed to the brink as moms. But that doesn’t mean we can’t effectively communicate appreciation and respect to our men!
Do you know what is meaningful to your husband? The 5 Love Languages is such an important tool for couples to understand and use. I recommend every woman take the quiz, and encourage her husband to take it as well, so you can both understand how to communicate love and respect to each other. Once you’ve figured out what your husband’s love language is, make it a priority to practice “speaking” his love language on a daily basis.
Recognize That Men Spell “Love” R-E-S-P-E-C-T
There’s a lot to be said about a man’s need for physical intimacy (we’ll get to that in a minute!), but it’s so important for wives to understand their husband’s deep need for respect.
It bothers me how very few women seem to actually “get” what it means to respect a man. Most of us haven’t seen it played out very well in real life, so respect is pretty much an abstract idea that rarely makes it into our mindset, vocabulary, or habits.
If you’re a married woman, I challenge you to become a student of the word “respect”. What does this have to do with intimacy? A LOT! Intimacy is an emotional need for men too, and whether or not a man feels respected by his wife has a lot to do with how fulfilled he is going to be as a husband. Don’t starve him of respect!
Invest a Little Time in Your Appearance Every Day
When you were dating (or courting), you spent a lot of time fixing up for your man. It’s true that the demands of motherhood don’t leave a lot of extra time for primping, but you can still do your best!
- Get dressed! There will be days that call for jammies and lounge clothes, but, as a general rule, get dressed, Mama!
- Wear perfume, just because.
- By all means, practice good hygiene (you really should never be too busy to brush your teeth and take a bath!).
- Accessorize. Even a t-shirt and a denim skirt can look special with a scarf.
- Find a quick, practical, and cute hair-do (here are some of my favorite ideas for long hair).
- Keep your sexy stuff on hand for those special times with your husband… yes, I’m talking about lingerie. Moms are sexy too!
Don’t Accept the World’s Lies About Sexuality
In case you haven’t noticed, our culture is profoundly confused about sex. Girls and young women are sexualized and exploited, while married women are considered too fuddie duddie to be attractive to a man. Child bearing is considered taboo if you want to keep your figure, and a woman’s body has become an idol of sensuality instead of a vessel of holiness.
If you’re watching sitcoms and reading romance novels, STOP. Turn off the trash and start feeding on truth.
Let thy fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times, and be thou ravished always with her love. Proverbs 5:18-19
Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4
How are you embracing intimacy and Biblical marriage, ladies?
If you’ve written an encouraging post on this topic, please link up!
This special link up is also being hosted by The Modest Mom, Little Natural Cottage, The Purposeful Mom, Raising Mighty Arrows, Sisters Raising Sisters, Whole Family Strong, Thankful Homemaker, Abiding Woman, and Smithspirations. If you link up any of your posts they will be seen on each of our blogs.
Posts with inappropriate content or graphics will be deleted. Thanks for keeping this blog hop uplifting and family friendly!
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