How to Really Win as an Enneagram 1 Mom

This post: inspiration + grace for the Enneagram 1 mom.

I am an Enneagram type 1.

I’m a mom.

It’s easy for me to believe there’s only one right way to do things.

I see the world in only two colors: black and white.

Boring, you say?

Predictably satisfying, I’d say.

Who is the Enneagram 1?

I’m the one who always shows up early… with her hair + make-up done.

The one who wants to “own” the word perfection.

The gal who knows- and keeps– every rule in the grammar book.

Every rule in every book.

Life for the Enneagram perfectionist is hard. On her kids, I mean. Here's to giving permission to mess up, love big + enjoy good-enough days.
photo credit: Paige Cody

I’m the one who just can’t sleep in.

Seldom loses my keys.

Likely knows where your keys are.

Sends thank-you notes for every gift, card + compliment.

Feels guilty if I don’t.

Feels guilty pretty much all the time.

Keeps my kids on a schedule.

Own every etiquette book on the market.

Has impeccable posture.

Wears matching pajamas.

Has a hard time not making a big deal about everything.

This is the type one enneagram mom.

How to Win as a Perfectionist Parent

Life for the Enneagram perfectionist is hard.

On her kids, I mean.

Life for the Enneagram perfectionist is hard. On her kids, I mean. Here's to giving permission to mess up, love big + enjoy good-enough days.
photo credit: Kelly Sikkema

If you had a perfectionist parent, then you know what my kids live with.

You’ve heard the lectures, the criticism; you’ve had to earn the love + approval.

I hate that about myself- that part that withholds approval + even love.

Do you know why I hate it?

Because it means that the harder I try at parenting, the less I win.

Oh yes. It’s taken me years to realize that the only way to win is to let go.

Let go of my most prized possessions: expectations + control.

When I say, “I’m proud of you.”

So here’s the bottom line:

ALSO READ:  Are you a control freak?

When I say, “I’m proud of you,” it’s really nothing short of miraculous.

It means God has done miracles in my heart. He’s helped me lower the bar… down to reality, where we actually live (like it or not).

Life for the Enneagram perfectionist is hard. On her kids, I mean. Here's to giving permission to mess up, love big + enjoy good-enough days.
photo credit: Sai De Silva

When I say, “I’m proud of you,” it doesn’t mean I can’t see where you messed up.

But it means I see how far you’ve come.

How hard you worked to get that B.

And I step back and give you the space to grow that I so desperately need.

When I say, “I’m proud of you,” it doesn’t mean I think you got it all right.

It means I think you’re just right as you are.

That you’re enough- more than enough.

And I smile and give you the acceptance I work so hard to earn.

When I say, “I’m proud of you,” I’m not imagining who you’ll become.

It means I’m celebrating this moment; living in this day.

With you, as you are right now.

And I slow down to acknowledge the progress I so often overlook.

When I say, “I’m proud of you,” it means I’m amazed at your personality + interests.

I realize that you didn’t get it all from me.

That you’re more than me; outside of me.

And I pause to honor the amazing person you are.

Life for the Enneagram perfectionist is hard. On her kids, I mean. Here's to giving permission to mess up, love big + enjoy good-enough days.
photo credit: Eye for Ebony

Here’s Permission

You don’t give yourself a lot grace, dear Enneagram 1.

Let me rephrase that: you don’t give anyone a lot of grace.

So here’s permission.

Just permission to embrace the broken as beautiful.

To see creativity in the chaos.

Permission to mess up.

Love big.

Give generously.

Laugh loudly.

Sleep in.

Start over.

To own the imperfect as if it were enough.

ALSO READ:  5 Important Things I Do for My Health as a Mom

(Because it is.)

And enjoy all those goodenough days.

(Because they are.)

This is how to really win as an Enneagram 1 mom.

LET ME SEND YOU A FREE Gift:

Printables: “When I Say ‘I’m Proud of You'” + “Here’s Permission”

1. Click here 2. Drop your name + email.

  • Download. Join my weekly-ish newsletter + as a bonus, you’ll get the printables!
  • Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.  
  • Frame your prints.
  • Enjoy your visible reminders of how to really win as an Enneagram 1 parent.

Here’s a sneak peek:

What about you?

Are you an Enneagram 1? Drop a comment + introduce yourself.

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