Any woman who has ever been pregnant can attest to the fact that each pregnancy is completely and entirely different– almost as unique and individual as the child who is born.
My three previous pregnancies were all unique, but this pregnancy has been crazy.
Along with all the “usual stuff”– the nausea, fatigue, etc– I have battled a terrible onslaught of hormones and emotions. By nature, I’m not an “emotional” person. I don’t suffer with PMS or huge mood swings, and I’ve never endured hormone imbalances during pregnancy.
Over the last nearly five months, I’ve battled plagues of worry, paralyzing fear, and even nightmares that disrupt my sleep at night. Because this is so unusual for me, and because this all came on with the pregnancy, I believe it is mostly due to an hormone imbalance. It’s definitely not “me”.
As my midwife says, “They’re just hormones, but they seem very real.“
I told my mom on the phone recently, “Sometimes I feel like I’m just going crazy. I feel vulnerable, like I can’t fight this off by myself.”
I’ve clung to the promises of Scripture to keep my thoughts from reeling out-of-control. I learned as a youth to meditate upon Scripture before going to sleep at night; very often I fall asleep mentally “quoting” the the words from 2 Timothy 1:7, “God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
I’m know I’m not the only one who has struggled through this. Many women face depression, fear, and other emotion-related battles during various seasons of life– postpartum, pregnancy, the change of life, or during illness or loss.
Satan is an opportunist and loves to strike us when we are “down”, be it physically or emotionally. I refuse to succumb to his tactics and attacks. The Word of God was given to me as a weapon and I intend to use it– daily!
Quite honestly, I never meant to blog about this. I’m a “grin and bear it” type of girl. I don’t usually let down the bars and let people see me struggle. But I am struggling. Sometimes getting through a single day- or night- is an overwhelming struggle for me emotionally.
I am taking a few natural supplements to help balance my hormones during this pregnancy, and I’m so very grateful for the help and advice of my midwife. But what I am depending on the most for my victory is the help of the Lord and the power of prayer.
I’m so thankful for the protection of a godly husband and friends and family who surround me with prayer and encouragement. I know that no weapon formed against me shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17).
“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh; (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (II Corinthians 10:3-5).