To the Homeschooling Mom Who Yells at Her Kids | Mentoring for Moms Wednesday

Last week, we tackled the first half of Lisa’s question… today, I’m going to address the second half.  

And that’s the topic of yelling at your kids when you’re a homeschool mom.

What do you do… when you question whether or not it would be better for your kids to go to public school rather than be at home with a mommy who is yelling way too much?”

First of all, I don’t homeschool my children because I am “more perfect” or less flawed than a public school teacher. 

I have several dear friends who are teachers in public schools, and they will tell you that they are humans too, working in a system that has issues.

Where humanity exists, issues exists.  And that includes Home and Family Life. 

So, no Lisa, I do not feel inept as a homeschooling mom because I have flaws.  However, the hard truth is that those personal flaws and issues do set the tone in my home and do influence my children.

For me, motherhood is a career and homeschooling is a calling.  I am equipped by the Holy Spirit to do this these jobs. 

But that doesn’t mean I do them perfectly.

In fact, I’ve more or less dreaded writing this post.  I mean, honestly, what mom wants to admit on her blog that she, in fact, is guilty of yelling at her children?

Life is so ironic, ladies.  The past few days have been tough at my house.  Tough for my heart and body.

I do battle with physical limitations that make it very difficult to stay balanced, and very easy to lose my cool.

To the Homeschooling Mom Who Yells at Her Kids | Mentoring for Moms Wednesday @ Kristy's Cottage

I don’t want to yell.  I don’t want to be a grumpy mom.  I don’t want my husband to walk into the house and feel like he could cut the contention with a knife.

But it has happened, and it does happen.

And when it does, there are a few things I remind myself: 

I absolutely cannot do this without the help of Christ. 

I need time in His presence.  I need to bathe my mind in His Word.

I can tell you honestly, without regular time in prayer and devotion to Jesus, I am a selfish person.

Neglecting to keep Christ a priority in my day is choosing to set myself up for failure as a wife and mom.

I need to apologize when I’m wrong. 

My kids know that it’s not acceptable to lose your cool or raise your voice in irritation.

They know that they are not allowed to yell at others.

So when I have acted out, I have to humble myself and apologize.

I need to take responsibility for my habits.

Moving beyond apologizing is very important.  Repentance is fine, but it involves more than token words… I need to change my actions.

If yelling is a habit, a good question to ask is why?  

Were my parents screamers?  (Mine were not, but I know that screaming is the norm in some homes.)

Am I an Exploder, or a Stuffer who eventually explodes?  (Read Unglued, by Lysa TerKeurst, if you’re a mom who struggles with high strung emotions!)

Do I have unrealistic expections or deep levels of stress in my life?  If so, how am I going to work on resolving those issues?

It’s sobering to realize that our habits deeply affect our children.

I need to take responsibility for my emotional and physical health. 

We already talked about spiritual health, but emotional and physical health are very important, as well.

A few questions I ask myself as a mom, and a few questions I’m asking you:

  • Are my days well-ordered and mostly predictable, or is life chaotic at my house?  How would things improve if I had, say, a regularly scheduled nap time for my kids?  (And maybe myself?)
  • Do I take time to rest when I’m very tired or feeling sick?  
  • Do I go to bed at a decent time every night so I’m not carrying a sleep deficit around all the time?
  • Do I complain and compare a lot?  Negativity is a huge instigator of emotional fatigue.
  • Am I eating well?  Not just healthy food, but healthy habits?  Do I skip meals because I’m too busy or trying to lose weight? Or, do I indulge because I’m feeling stressed?  Food habits deeply affect health!
  • Do I listen to soothing music throughout the day?  It helps set a pleasant tone!
  • Am I sharpening my mind with inspiring books?  I personally take time to read almost every day, simply because I feel like this is a good way to feed my mind and heart with encouraging thoughts and ideas.  I stay away from romance novels and instead choose inspiring authors, such as Sally Clarkson, Nancy Leigh Demoss, and Elisabeth Elliot.

A few final thoughts on health issues and yelling… 

Did you know that anger can be caused from underlying health issues?

Candida overgrowth can easily lead to depression, sleeplessness and irritability.

Liver congestion can trigger depression, negativity and anger.

Adrenal fatigue and thyroid issues frequently cause imbalanced hormones, fatigue, and emotional ups and downs.

If you find yourself trapped in an unhealthy cycle, either emotionally or physically, seek accountability and help.

A nutritionist can help you pinpoint and overcome health issues.

A trusted mentor, or even a professional counselor, can help you stay accountable as you seek to establish healthy, God-honoring habits in how to manage your home and relate with your children.

How we interact at home is important, ladies.

None of us are perfect.

We all struggle at some point, but the failure isn’t in the struggling.  True failure is hiding behind pride or fear, and choosing to continue in unhealthy patterns when God has provided the power we need to overcome and live in freedom.

His Word is powerful!

I’ve been focusing on a few verses over the past several weeks, and I created a set of four, beautiful post cards featuring specific Scriptures that speak to me as a mom.

I’d love to send a set of these Scripture cards to you as a gift, to help you in your journey toward gracious speech and a gentle tongue. 

Would you like to receive a free set from me?

Below is a sneak peek at the postcards… the sets you’ll receive will include beautiful Scriptures on gracious speech and the tongue. I can’t wait to share them with you!  ScriptureCardsforMoms

To enter to receive a free set, please simply leave a comment on this post (I’ll randomly choose winners next week).  I have about one dozen of these Scripture post card sets ordered, and I’ll be happy to send them to twelve of you moms.

Thank you so much for reading here today!  I pray this post encourages you as a mother, and daughter of the King.


 

P.S. If you’re a homeschooling mom, I’d love to connect with you over in my Homeschooling Moms private Facebook group!

 

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11 thoughts on “To the Homeschooling Mom Who Yells at Her Kids

  1. Wow! This has been almost a year ago yet I needed this today. I do not homeschool, we are privileged to have a great Christian school at our church, but I have 5 children home for the summer, and it has been so tough. I grew up with yelling, and I don’t want that for my home, yet I have ground myself there a lot this summer. Thank you for this encouragement!!!

    Posted on July 7, 2017 at 9:24 pm
    1. You’re welcome, Jackie. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. xoxo

      Posted on July 11, 2017 at 3:30 pm
      1. Also, I appreciate the note about medical conditions. I’ve actually been to the dr within the last week and found out that my thyroid is not functioning properly.

        Posted on July 11, 2017 at 3:46 pm
      2. It’s so important to take care of yourself, Jackie, so that you can take care of your family. As moms, we often put ourselves last, but that’s not always the best decision.

        Good for you for being proactive! Blessings on your health, my friend. xoxo

        Posted on July 11, 2017 at 5:20 pm
  2. Thanks for this post! I feel like yelling and feeling annoyed at my kids is my biggest struggle lately. I have four little boys and I know I want to keep them home with me but I can see that my actions are crushing their spirits! 🙁 Great reminder that I need to be held responsible and there should be tangible change in my habit/heart.

    Posted on September 24, 2015 at 4:55 pm
  3. It’s a bit ironic that I’m commenting on a blog post that recommends getting enough sleep at 4 am…anyways….

    Great post Kristy–I grew up in a home where yelling was the norm, and I definitely don’t want my kids to be able to say the same. Unfortunately, I fail too often. I really like your first point–I need to lean on Christ and not myself!

    Thank you for your insight!

    Posted on September 24, 2015 at 5:02 am
  4. Sigh… was actually praying about my bad attitude (early!) this morning when I was interrupted by a child needing attention, which disturbed the other children, and before my day even got rolling, I was way too short with them. Big sigh. Happens like clockwork; get off my ingesting of His Word for even a day, and it goes downhill so fast. I can list lots of excuses; 5 months pregnant with #5, end of summer garden glut with all the preserving, launching into the new school yr, house renovation projects, a basement screaming at me to be organized, kids clothes needing sorted, and none of that includes the daily laundry, meals, cleaning, baths… but they’re excuses after all, because His Word can be made to fit in there somewhere, even if it’s just a few precious minutes with just a few verses. The soul cannot survive well, and certainly won’t thrive without it. Thanks for all the points you made. Especially for me, I appreciated the one about comparing and being a complainer, and therefore negative, and not going to bed early enough. Can’t always call the shots on sleep deficit when the house is full of littles, but can always try. Bless you Kristy for writing and posting this!

    Posted on September 23, 2015 at 3:04 pm
  5. Wow, I really needed to read this. I struggle with yelling. I hate it. Thanks for the encouragement.

    Posted on September 23, 2015 at 11:51 am
  6. Thank you so much for this uplifting post! I am a yeller and a stuffer and feel so much shame and guilt from those habits. It is always encouraging to know that I am not alone. I have index cards with scripture posted around my house, mostly for the children, but I love the chance to win pretty ones that were meant to guide me!

    Posted on September 23, 2015 at 10:22 am
  7. This was wonderfully written with great insight, thank you!

    Posted on September 23, 2015 at 7:25 am
  8. This is so timely for me. I appreciate your openness and realness. Thank you from one homeschool mom who is learning one day at a time!

    Posted on September 23, 2015 at 6:59 am