I’ve talked with more than one mommy (or mommy-to-be) who desperately wanted to have her baby at home with a midwife, but she couldn’t quite convince her husband that it was the best thing to do.
By nature, men usually are a bit more skeptical than women. They are also protective, especially when it comes to the health of their wife and children. If you’re one of those mommies who has been trying to talk your husband into a home birth, here are a few tips from a non-expert. 🙂
Give your man the benefit of the doubt. Chances are, you’ve spent weeks or even months thinking things through in your mind. The idea is probably new and scary to him. (What if HE had suddenly popped the idea out of thin air?) Don’t just assume he’s trying to be stubborn… consider his concern a compliment and stop nagging.
Stop nagging. (Did I just say that?) I’m sure you already know this, but whining, arguing, and complaining gets you absolutely no where with men. By nature, men will usually do the opposite of whatever it is you’re nagging them to do (every tried to nag your husband into taking out the trash??) Even if your husband is a nice, Steady guy, he’s probably going to put his foot down on what he believes is best on an issue as big as where to have your baby. Let your wishes be known to him (respectfully), then let it go.
Pray. If you really, really, really feel that a home birth or a birth with a midwife is the best thing for your family, stop talking to your husband about it and start talking to God. The Lord knows your heart and, if it’s His will, He can turn the heart of your husband in the right direction. Please note, your prayers will probably only “work” if you’ve stopped nagging. And DON’T tell your husband, “Oh, by the way, I’m praying that GOD will change your mind!” Just let the issue drop and make it a matter of sincere prayer.
Include your husband. If he’s willing, have your husband meet and talk with a midwife with you. This is probably the best thing my husband and I did in the beginning. To be honest, we were both a little nervous with the idea of a home birth. Talking with a midwife together allowed us to ask any questions we had on our minds and, in the end, it put both our minds at ease with the idea. As I mentioned above, men feel very responsible for the well being of their wives and children. If your husband can meet and talk with a midwife, he will at least be able to make a judgment call based on his own opinions, not on your arguments.
Most midwives offer a free consultation with expectant parents. Tell your husband you’d like for him to be involved in your choice of a care giver (regardless who it ends up being), and ask him if he’d consider meeting and talking with a midwife. Do your homework and already have a list of available midwives in your area.
If your husband absolutely refuses to allow you to use a midwife or have a home birth, give your dream to God and let it go. It’s more important to keep a harmonious marriage than it is for your baby to be born at home. Having a baby in the hospital certainly isn’t the end of the world, and you’ll do yourself, your husband, and yes, your baby, a huge favor if you focus on what matters most- you marriage.
How does your husband feel about home birth?
Kristy Howard is a pastor’s wife, second-generation homeschooling mom of five, and a passionate believer in friendship, coffee, and quiet time! Kristy writes about motherhood, ministry and life at KristysCottage.com.