I’m revisiting this post, How to Find a Titus 2 Mentor, today in response to questions like these from sweet friends:
I have been praying for over a year that God would provide a mentor for me. Our church doesn’t have anything set up to help younger women find a mentor. I have read some posts from you about mentor ship and wondered as a pastors wife if you would have any insight?” -Katie
“I read your post, 10 Things Every Young Pastor’s Wife Should Know, and I really related to the part about being lonely. This may sound strange, but it is good to know that someone else feels that way too sometimes! How can I develop friendships as a pastor’s wife?” -Christine
“Will you pray with me that God would bring, or reveal, a mentor to me?” -Sandy
I completely relate to Katie, Christine, and Sandy.
I was twenty-something, with two babies and living on the other side of the
world state from my family when I asked the Lord to send me a mentor.
I distinctly remember the day I prayed this prayer because it was followed very quickly by seeds of doubt.
I wasn’t sure that the Lord had much to work with in finding a mentor for me:
I lived in the middle of nowhere.
Our church was small.
I had very few friends, and basically no network of fellowship with like-minded women.
I don’t know exactly what I expected, but the circumstances didn’t seem especially promising.
Not surprisingly, the Lord is much smarter than I am!
He sent two amazing women into my life who, many years later, still continue to shape, encourage, and inspire me in my journey as a woman, a pastor’s wife, and a mother.
As I develop this “Titus 2 Mentoring” focus here at the blog in the coming months, I hope to share more about my mentors: how I met them, what they taught me (and are still teaching me), and how they influenced me to speak into the lives of other women.
(One of my sweet mentors has gone on to Heaven, but her life and legacy still influences me on a daily basis!)
What do I mean by “mentor”?
What I don’t mean is a perfect lady who invites me into her pristine home for a cup of organic tea and a five-hour counseling and prayer session once-a-week.
Although, that actually sounds kind of nice. Perhaps not entirely practical, but nice!
What I do mean by a “mentor” is-
a godly, older friend who is willing to invest her time and talents into sharing her life, her struggles, and her wisdom with younger women (including me).
For me, “mentors” have always been women who are ahead of me (spiritually and otherwise) in this journey of life, but I’ve also been inspired and encouraged by women who are my own age… or even younger than me!
No one is too young to “mentor” someone, but the Biblical mandate to women is that older ladies ARE TO TEACH THE YOUNGER WOMEN, both by words and example, how to live a godly life.
Titus 2 paints a clear picture of how God expects the torch of Biblical womanhood to pass to the younger generation:
But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:
That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false
accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Where are the mentors? you might ask. And how do I find one?
Here are a few thoughts on how a young pastor’s wife (or any young woman) can seek out a godly mentor:
Ask God to Send You a Mentor
I know I’m sounding repetitive, but perhaps you have not because you ask not.
Fervently pray for the Lord to place godly women into your life as an example, encouragement, and role model.
Your “mentor” may be a godly friend, or perhaps a Christian author or blogger who really speaks to you (I’ll get to that in a minute!).
My answer to prayer for a mentor didn’t always look like what I anticipated it would, and it didn’t always happen overnight. But, I have never, ever, found the Lord unwilling to guide me as I sought His will and His truth for my life as a Christian woman.
I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way thou shalt go; I will guide thee with mine eye.” Psalm 32:8
Always Seek Knowledge & Be Open to Correction
Having a mentor in your life means you’re going to have some learning to do, because your life as it is now will be challenged!
That’s a good thing, but it isn’t always an easy thing.
Years ago, I read some very wise words in a book by Debi Pearl:
“A wise woman is always learning. She is open to change. She is ready to hear.” (Debi Pearl)
This has become my life’s mantra!
If you are seeking a mentor, recognize that this means you are asking God to change you, because that’s exactly what He’s going to do.
Godly wisdom challenges our mediocrity and points out our errors and secret sins. (Proverbs 27:17; Psalm 19:13)
Be willing and ready to accept correction. Pursue wisdom!
Study the Lives of Wise Women
These can be women you know personally, or women who touch your life via books, blogs, or other forms of media.
He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”
I have been influenced by many Christian writers, but there are three in particular whose lives greatly shape mine:
I began reading Mrs. Elliot’s writings when I was about thirteen years old.
I still read her books. Any of her writings are worth reading (and re-reading), but a few I keep close at hand are Keep a Quiet Heart, The Music of His Promises, and The Shaping of a Christian Family.
The life and writings of Elisabeth Elliot have shaped my understanding of Christian womanhood.
Nearly nine years ago, my sister-in-law handed me a copy of Debi’s book, Created to Be His Help Meet. I cannot tell you how influential Debi’s writings have been in my life as I have sought to grasp what it means to live a joyous life of gratitude.
Although Debi Pearl is a pastor’s wife, she writes mostly to wives and mothers in general. Debi is my “wife” mentor.
I stumbled upon Sally’s blog, SallyClarkson.com, around the same time I was asking God for a mentor. (Perhaps my “stumble” was by divine appointment?) I had never before read words like Sally’s and they took root in my heart.
Over the years I have read and re-read Sally’s articles. More recently I was introduced to her books. Sally is my “motherhood” mentor.
Next weekend, I’m planning to attend Sally’s Mom Heart Conference in Dallas for the first time. I can hardly wait to hear this amazing lady in person! Maybe I’ll get to hug her neck? If I do, you’ll hear about it! 🙂
If you’re looking for godly reading material and bloggers to glean from, here are a few links to reference (these are my personal favorites!):
As a young pastor’s wife I am finding that many women are wide open for friendship, but relationships take time and emotional energy to cultivate. And mentoring requires that a woman has allowed God to develop something worth sharing into her own life.
The general consensus among women in my generation seems to be that the “older” women who are up to the challenge of mentoring are few and far between. I believe that Biblical womanhood is foundational to godly homes, churches, and societies; the break-down in our culture is symptomatic of a break-down in the mentor-ship instituted in God’s Word (Titus 2:1-5)
Titus 2 mentoring is a topic I hope to write about more in the coming months. I’d love your feedback on this!
Now, tell me:
Do you have a godly, Titus 2 woman in your life?
Do you feel like you need one?
Kristy Howard is a pastor’s wife, second-generation homeschooling mom of five, and a passionate believer in friendship, coffee, and quiet time! Kristy writes about motherhood, ministry and life at KristysCottage.com.