I am married to Mr. Steady.

I “discovered” this fact when I read Debi Pearl’s book, Created to Be His Helpmeet, about six years ago.  The chapter on the three types of men literally blew me away; the part about the Steady Man seemed like it was written about my husband.  I couldn’t believe it!

For the first time in our marriage, I truly began to understand my man.  Many of the “faults” I perceived in him were simply the flip-side of a quality I truly admired.  As a young wife, how quickly I lost sight of the virtues when I foolishly chose to focus on the faults…

You may be wondering how in the world a strong-willed, visionary woman and the Steady Man can stand to live together in the same house! I'm going to share my heart on being the helpmeet to Mr. Steady. Learning to respect, support, and follow my Steady Man has not been an easy thing for me to do, but it has been worth it. | Kristy's Cottage

Miss Bossy Meets Mr. Steady

I am a Go-To/Dreamer type of girlIn other words, I tend to be very BOSSY and usually have my head in the clouds.  🙂

If you know anything at all about the Steady type, you know he is the polar opposite of this!  Mr. Steady is a quiet, unassuming sort of guy who never picks a fight, tries to change anyone, or demands anything (even if it is important to him).  As a man, he is generally well liked by everyone, simply because he is always available to listen, support, and encourage.  As a husband, he is loyal, loving, and truly a “giver”.

You may be wondering how in the world a strong-willed, visionary woman and the Steady Man can stand to live together in the same house! 

Today and Friday, I’m going to share my heart on being the helpmeet to  Mr. Steady.  Learning to respect, support, and follow my Steady Man has not been an easy thing for me to do, but it has been worth it.

Mr. Steady’s Biggest Critic

Of the three types of men, the Steady Man is the easiest to please; he’s an all-around nice guy, rarely given to extremes, imbalance, or blatant faults.

Ironically, Mr. Steady is often the least appreciated by his own wife, especially if she is the high-strung, bossy sort of gal. While his peers admire and respect him (because he is so good-natured and helpful), Mr. Steady’s own wife is often his worst critic.  Although he lives to please, he may find his wife nearly impossible to please, because she is always picking at his “faults”.

Since Mr. Steady loves peace, he will seek to serve and will most appreciate those who respect him and are grateful for his help.  A wise wife will learn to appreciate her Steady Man’s good nature and will make it a habit to vocalize her thankfulness… to him, and to others.

Respect or Criticism

All men thrive on respect.  It is their emotional “air”.

However, unlike the Kingly Command Man and the Visionary Man, the Steady Man will likely not demand respect from anyone.  Least of all his wife.  His desire is that she gives it voluntarily, without coercion.

If she fails to respect and admire him, Mr. Steady will not pitch a fit or go on a tirade… he will quietly withdraw from her emotionally.

Loneliness in marriage is unbearable.  How are two people to live and function “as one” without emotional unity?

A critical tongue will strangle the life, love, and joy out of any marriage, but it will be especially fatal to the Steady Man and his wife.

Ladies, if you are the wife of a Steady Man, you must realize (as I did… eventually) that a critical tongue is YOUR VERY WORST ENEMY.  Your Mr. Steady must have your respect in order to thrive as a father, a husband, and a man.

to be continued…

Read the rest of the “I Want to Be an Help Meet” series here.


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14 thoughts on “Married to Mr. Steady {part 1}

  1. Wow, very enlightening! Is there another link to get to the second part of this? I would love to read more….thank you!

    Posted on September 10, 2015 at 12:56 pm
    1. Thank you for commenting, Jeanne! Here’s the link to part two: http://kristyscottage.com/being-a-helpmeet-to-mr-steady-part-2/

      Posted on September 10, 2015 at 1:58 pm
  2. Wow. This is my husband and me to a “T”.
    I did read the helpmeet book about a year after getting married (so 6 years ago) but I had forgotten how much it impacted me and certainly had forgotten my part in making ours a good relationship. Thank You for this post. I have read a few of your other posts and feel that we are kindred spirits 🙂
    I love your perspective on all the topics I’ve read so far. I am a stay at home mom, 2nd gen. homeschooler, follower of Jesus, and working diligently to feed my family more whole and traditionally prepared foods, and I love using herbs!
    This is my new favorite blog, thanks so much for writing and sharing, it has encouraged me and helped me get back on the right path!

    Posted on February 4, 2015 at 9:27 pm
    1. Jenny, thank you SO much for taking the time to comment here, your encouraging words made my day!

      I love connecting with kindred spirits. It’s such a blessing to walk this journey arm-in-arm with a sister in Christ.

      Posted on February 5, 2015 at 10:07 am
  3. I am not married, but in a courtship type relationship with a Mr. Steady. I am just like you, except I am a quieter dreamer type. I can be inwardly critical, which is sometimes worse than being outwardly critical. But I am so glad to have come across this post, because this is him all the way. I even have said to myself he has no motivation sometimes, and my dad “a Mr. Command” man has found fault with his calmness. Of course, this only makes sense. Thanks for sharing!

    Posted on November 1, 2013 at 11:22 am
  4. This was a wonderful series, Kristy!  Thank you for helping us to understand our men just a little bit better!!!

    Posted on March 22, 2012 at 8:55 pm
  5. What a wonderful post- thank you. It sounds like I am married to a Mr. Steady as well. 🙂

    Posted on March 21, 2012 at 10:34 pm
  6. Thanks for sharing.  I was trying to figure out which one my man is, and when you were describing yours…sounded exactly like mine.  I think I need to read that book, and I’m looking forward to what you have to say tomorrow.  

    Posted on March 21, 2012 at 6:58 pm
  7. I really loved how you shared your heart in this post!! I’m also married to a steady man. I can also see how a critical tongue can be my worst enemy. I cannot wait to read more!

    Posted on March 21, 2012 at 12:49 pm
  8. Yes, I am married to a STEADY!!!!!!!  He is a awesome man.  Life is great with a Steady!  :o)

    Posted on March 21, 2012 at 10:40 am
  9. I have been mentoring women using that book for the past 8 years and the wives of Mr. Steadys always appreciate them so much after they read that chapter.  I definitely think that they are the easiest type of man to be married to!

    Posted on March 21, 2012 at 7:53 am
  10. Oops…meant to link 😉

    Posted on March 20, 2012 at 10:57 pm
  11. Meet me, another over-the-top “bossy visionary” who got every word of this post as if I had written it. And it’s true…criticism is our worst enemy. It has taken me 14 years to JUST BEGIN to realize how much of a blessing or curse I can be to him. Thank you for your post! 

    Posted on March 20, 2012 at 10:55 pm
  12. What a great post, Kristy!

    When I first began to read Created to Be His Help Meet, I was like..Whatever!! By the time I finished, I realized I had a lot of work to do! Once I seen my man for who he was and began appreciating him the way he deserved and needed, our marriage changed for the better!  Who knew the things I most desired from my man came from my change of heart…my taking the time to truly appreciate him. 

    Posted on March 20, 2012 at 10:47 pm